Why does a compromise feel like a solution

Compromise in a relationship, marriage, or partnership

A successful relationship is characterized by the fact that two people get together to share the rest of their lives with each other. Both partners secretly know what they expect from the relationship and that you have to be active yourself to keep the love fresh. From this point of view, a relationship is always characterized by a certain "expectation of profit": both partners ultimately want to benefit from the relationship. Every single partner for himself is able to live alone and is convinced of his worth and capabilities. Both partners are ready to express their needs openly to the other. Everyone can allow the partner to have certain needs that they do not share and both allow the other to fulfill these wishes on their own. In the event of a conflict, both endeavor to present their own point of view to the other without making the other bad. You are both trying to find a compromise

The gap between theory and practice can be seen in marriage counseling, couple counseling:

So much for the theory of a mutually fulfilling partnership. Of course, the practice sometimes looks different. The subject of compromise in particular often causes arguments in a relationship because one of the partners feels ignored or misunderstood.

Happiness Through Compromise In A Partnership - Is It Possible? 

It is well known that humans are gregarious animals who can only be really happy through regular social contact, but they also have the longing to be able to implement their own needs and wishes. This is especially true when living closely with a partner in a relationship. In a sense, compromises form an agreement between the two partners to combine the wishes and needs of both sides.

Sometimes, however, compromises in a partnership suffer from a bad image. Compromises often have a bland aftertaste, as they are nowadays put on a par with the word "losing". Many people think that there is only one winner and one loser when there is a compromise. However, it should be remembered that willingness to compromise and adjustment are indispensable in social life. This applies both at work (for example in relationships with colleagues or superiors) and in private life (in friendships as well as in a relationship).

Finding the happy medium in a relationship 

Many people wonder how many compromises a relationship can take. In this case, the golden mean turns out to be the optimal solution, because a relationship can only really work if both partners are happy and feel comfortable. Especially after the first phase of being in love, conflicts are part of everyday life in a relationship. This is mainly due to the fact that each partner has his own needs and preferences, which he is subsequently not ready to suppress permanently or put on the back burner. If you want to settle the conflict, a compromise is inevitable.

However, many people equate a compromise with some form of self-abandonment. However, the aim of a compromise is that both partners can live well with the agreed situation. On the other hand, giving up oneself makes you unhappy and sick in the long run. It should not be forgotten that a partnership always thrives on mutual taking and giving. In a partnership, it is also worthwhile for both of you to know and respect the wishes of the other, because this automatically also means being able to create your own freedom.

Guide: How can compromises be implemented in a partnership?

You should discuss your wishes and feelings openly with your partner, because he or she cannot read your mind after all. Tell your partner directly if you see yourself as a constant loser in a conflict. The best way to do this is to find a suitable time and a quiet and undisturbed environment. Such a pronunciation can also take place in a neutral place, such as a café or a restaurant. Do not avoid the bush, but name the problem directly, for example when it comes to your leisure time or your friendships. Make sure to speak first-person during the conversation, because it is ultimately about your opinions and views. Remember that a relationship can only grow with a healthy mix of closeness and distance. Freedom is therefore essential for both partners. Get active yourself, go out with your friends or find a hobby that you enjoy. After that, you will surely have a lot to tell your partner, which is immensely enriching for your relationship. Remember that your partner will also benefit from your freedom.


Often, compromises in a relationship suffer from a bad image. However, compromises in a partnership are not about winning or losing, but about giving or taking at the right moment. Compromises are inevitable in a relationship in the short or long term and ensure a harmonious coexistence with the partner.

Ilona von Serényi, Bergisch Gladbach / Bensberg (Cologne area)

Cologne, Bergisch Gladbach: marriage counseling / couple counseling - couple therapy. Resolve disputes, save relationships!

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