How can I overcome a psychological bully

Bullying - not with us ?!

Anyone who has not yet experienced bullying "first hand" can only vaguely imagine how the affected students feel. This material deals with the situation of victims of bullying.

I was afraid of the day when I got up. I was afraid of the next day in the late evening. I kept wishing that I was no longer alive. Not having to live anymore. Longingly wished my life didn't exist: this hell of "life". [1]

Would you have thought that it could actually look that dark inside a victim of bullying? Anyone who has not yet experienced bullying "first hand" can only vaguely imagine how the affected students feel.

Young victims of bullying report in forums and interviews that they feel strongly humiliated. Disparaging looks, whispering in the background, loud insults, but also physical attacks and attacks on things and objects that belong to them make the victims' lives "hell". For the bullied students, every single day often feels like a whole year, the time at school seems to never end, so that they can finally go home, where they have peace from their attackers. Many victims also try to be particularly nice, often on the advice of their parents, in order to make themselves no longer vulnerable - but often without success. When they find that their behavior change is ineffective, it is easy for them to assume that it is their own fault if they are not liked. This way of thinking results in a massive loss of self-esteem, which will remain in the victim's thoughts and actions for many years to come and which is difficult to overcome.

This is also one of the reasons why many victims of bullying do not seek help from teachers and parents. They feel completely helpless and have no confidence that someone can help them. Many who can still bring themselves to trust a teacher report failures, either that they did not feel they were being taken seriously or that the measures taken were ultimately not carried out consistently. Others only found real help through the teachers.

Another "source of hope" - albeit often associated with disappointment - are new classmates:

Whenever new students came into the class, I immediately tried to make friends with them. But the bullying group really carried out "smear campaigns" against me. New students were initiated immediately. [...] One of the two new students strangled me from behind with a bunch of keys that hung around my neck, the other even tried to scold me with the teachers by all means and made fun of me particularly often . [2]

The result is that those affected either withdraw a lot from their social environment, prefer to flee into isolation and loneliness for fear of the attacks of others, or even more so build up a cool and funny facade so that the others do not notice how much their harassment behavior actually hurts them.

During this time I became more and more closed, even though I built a facade on the outside that gave my classmates the image of a "cool" and sometimes funny guy. But deep down, I was extremely unhappy with my situation. [3]

Such experiences lead to the fact that the anger and the despair over the humiliation increase, which the victims then either "eat into" or also convert into aggressive energy. Most of the time, however, a strong feeling of unhappiness, fear and sadness builds up inside, so that many sufferers suffer from severe physical complaints: for example, they struggle with severe nausea, vomit for fear of school, suffer from severe headaches.

I couldn't take it any longer and got pretty badly ill. My parents looked for organic causes in the hospital until a doctor said it could be psychosomatic. Then one day, when I was actually ill, I went to school for two hours to write the comparison paper in English. I was greeted with "Spasti", and said goodbye with "Son of a bitch". In the afternoon, my psychiatrist released me from school for the remaining 6 weeks so that I could get well again. After the holidays I changed schools. [4]

This example shows that the psychosomatic complaints can worsen to such an extent that many victims of bullying no longer go to school. The fear of school becomes so massive that in many cases only going to a psychologist or psychiatrist can help them deal better with the effects of bullying.

Cyber ​​bullying triggers another dimension of feelings. The person exposed on the internet (e.g. in the SchülerVZ, Facebook etc.) experiences increased attention, they have the constant urge to check on the internet whether something new has been written about them and is full of fearful curiosity about how bad the attacks might be to like. This urge to control leads to the fact that the victims feel completely restless and have the need to know everything that is written about them there.

Even when I was at the PC and wrote something for work, a report or something, I really caught myself every quarter of an hour or so: "Oh, now have a quick look", mouse click, looked into the Internet: "Ah, is nothing in it. " Back out and back to work. You can no longer concentrate if you let yourself be distracted again and again in ten-minute steps. [5]

Another important aspect is the victims' fear of what other people might read about them. So their thoughts constantly revolve around the "bad picture" that strangers might have of them because of these insults and slanders; Changes in behavior that you notice in others are then quickly interpreted as "He / she has read it too ..." and feel embarrassed, even if the person may not have read it at all.

The main difference is that everything that is on the Internet is public. [...] that is now available everywhere. You can see it everywhere and that is of course a high level of defamation. [...] A lot of people are drawn in who have nothing to do with it and who then immediately have a certain image of you. [6]

It is clear from the reports of victims of bullying how nagging the "social pain" they have to endure is. They always want to have themselves under control so that they do not offer their opponents any new target. They constantly fluctuate between a cool exterior facade and inner despair, between "still being nice" and complete social isolation and loneliness. At some point, these feelings lead to physical illness, and her body rebels against the fear of meeting other classmates.


Footnotes:
  1. Widmann, J .: Confession, in: Erziehungskunst Heft 11, 2007, p. 1197-1200, here: p. 1198.
  2. http://www.schueler-gegen-mobbing.de/portal/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=16 (02.09.10) (Forum: Experience report from the initiator of the website: Alexander Henker)
  3. http://www.scoolz.de/466,mobbing_opfer.htm (02.09.10)
  4. Widmann [note 1], p. 1198.
  5. Fawzi, N .: Cyber ​​bullying. Causes and effects of bullying on the Internet, Baden-Baden: Nomos-Verlag 2009, pp. 103-107, here: p. 93.
  6. ibid., p. 101



Work orders:

  1. Read the text carefully.
  2. How does someone feel who has been a victim of bullying?
  3. How do people around the victim react when they hear that someone is being bullied? And how does this reaction affect the victim?
  4. How do victims of bullying react to the bullying themselves?
  5. What are the consequences of bullying for you?
  6. Imagine yourself being a victim of bullying. How would you feel What would you do?





Source:

Own text after:
  • http://www.schueler-gegen-mobbing.de/portal/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=16 (02.09.10) (Forum: Report from the initiator of the website: Alexander Henker).
  • http://www.spiegel.de/schulspiegel/leben/0,1518,490143,00.html (02.09.10).
  • http://www.scoolz.de/466,mobbing_opfer.htm (02.09.10).
  • Widmann, J .: Confession, in: Erziehungskunst Heft 11, 2007, pp. 1197-1200.
  • Fawzi, N .: Cyber ​​bullying. Causes and effects of bullying on the Internet, Baden-Baden: Nomos-Verlag 2009, pp. 103-107.