Why do I keep making mistakes?

Why we keep making the same mistake over and over again

“I can't believe it, it happened again, I actually made the same mistake again. I gave my heart, my time, all of my attention to a person, did everything for him and he still left me again. I feel used, sad and empty. I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me in my life. At some point I stopped counting. "

Carmen is a dear friend of mine. As part of today's contribution, I am allowed to report on one of your greatest tasks in life. As she herself says, this consists in finally resolving the pattern that has led her all her life to make the same mistake over and over again.
The mistake
Since Carmen can remember, she has longed for someone by her side. This ardent wish brought her together with her first partner Peter almost 20 years ago. The young Carmen turned her entire life inside out for love. She gave up her job and her apartment in order to be around Peter more often. She neglected her friends and also her hobbies in order to spend more time with him. She spoiled him with delicious dishes, did the housework and stood by him in every situation. When Peter left her after three years, Carmen no longer understood the world.
Since then she has met many men. Often she was cautious at first because of her negative experiences. Very quickly, however, her deep longing took over the command and Carmen behaved again as in her first relationship with Peter. And the final scenario was repeated every time: Carmen was abandoned by her partners.
Why do I keep making the same mistake?

When Carmen confided in me, I immediately thought of my own repetitive mistakes, such as my will to succeed, which in the past has often driven me to tackle certain tasks and ideas with excessive commitment. Until my body finally showed me in the form of an illness that it was enough. After pondering it for many years, I gradually discovered the cause of my repetitive mistakes and patterns that were to be found in my past. At that time beliefs - such as "No work, no gain and still you are never enough" - imprinted themselves deeply in my subconscious.
It was a similar story for Carmen, whose father unexpectedly left the family when she was just twelve years old. For a long time her life was unconsciously dominated by the belief "I am not worthy of you staying with me". And whoever walks through the world with such beliefs adapts his behavior accordingly and of course reaps from his environment exactly what he sows with his faith.
Find the root of the repeating mistakes
The mechanisms of our repetitive errors are very different and extensive. A detailed answer to the question of why we keep making the same mistake therefore requires time, patience and, ideally, support. Nevertheless, there are opportunities for self-help. I have summarized the three most effective methods below:
1. Beliefs underlying the error
Very often it is deep-seated beliefs from our childhood that lead to the same thing happening to us over and over again in life. For example, very often they are: I am not worthy to be loved. Nobody likes me for my own sake. I'm not important. I'm good for nothing. ...
But these strong beliefs can be dissolved step by step:
- Ask yourself what strong belief system might underlie your recurring error.
- Where and by whom could the doctrine have originated? Travel into your past and identify a possible situation.
- When you have grasped the situation and the sentence, you keep saying with your strong adult consciousness: “It is not true! The sentence is just not right! I don't need him anymore. "
- You repeat this for several weeks until you feel that the sentence is losing strength.
- Then you overwrite the negative belief by choosing a positive one. For example: "I'm worth loving!"
- You repeat this sentence every day. At first it might seem strange to you because you don't yet believe in its truthfulness. But soon the new sentence will anchor itself in your subconscious through the constant repetition.
2. The need for failure
Ask yourself what happened when you first made the mistake. The following procedure can help:
- What deep longing, what unsatisfied need did you feel when you first made the mistake? Name the need or desire.
- Has exactly this need not been met to this day?
- What (creative) possibilities are there to satisfy this deep need in yourself? For example: celebrating love through self-love methods, creating security by teaching yourself to trust life, respect and appreciation by starting to appreciate yourself.
3. Transform the learned negative pattern
If we keep making the same mistake in our life, we get confirmation and negative expectations that lead to the same experience over and over again. We practically drag the negative scenario into our lives. In order to break this mechanism, we have to create a new inner image, i.e. a positive expectation. A very effective method for this is the imagination.
To do this, imagine the situation that has often failed. Instead of the previous experience, however, you let a positive film run in your mind's eye. You create the situation as you ideally want it to be, speak without your repetitive error. Repeat this exercise three to four times a week. After a while, your inner expectation changes into a positive one, which means that positive things also manifest on the outside.
And what happened to Carmen and her mistake?
Carmen is currently experiencing the longest single time of her life to date. And as she confessed to me the other day, she enjoys it very much. Her belief that a man will soon come into her life who wants to linger in it has solidified massively in the last few months.
I thank Carmen for her story and wish you a lot of patience, love and confidence in dealing with your mistakes.