Why is chess addicting?

Can you call it addicting if you play chess for 3 hours a day?

I took out a loan from my bank for the deposit and commission of my 1 own apartment.

However, I am addicted to games - I am 20 years old and play around 6-10 hours every day. poker and do sports betting on the side. On my best day, I gambled away € 1000 in 1 hour.

I have received a loan of 3000 € and have already paid the deposit of around 1000 € and also the 1 rent. I cannot pay the commission of 700 € because today I deposited 500 € of the 700 at Pokerstars with no reason whatsoever. I have now gambled away the 500 € and I could jump from the next bridge ..

I would like to beat myself up or shoot myself with 10 bottles of vodka, etc.

I have been addicted to gambling for 4 years or 3 years (1 year it was not an addiction) and can't handle it. Now I'm starting an apprenticeship and actually wanted to change everything ..

How am I supposed to pay the commission of 700 € now? I have € 200. Should I go to the nearest casino and try everything at roulette? Doesn't matter now anyway?

I was actually looking forward to the training and thought I could deal with the gambling addiction, but I doubt that I can stop as soon as the training starts.

I am stunned that I gambled away the money I absolutely needed .. I can't believe it. What is going on in the brain at the moment? Had completely turned off my mind.

I will definitely not go to a psychologist (as I know myself - nobody can convince me of that, although it would certainly be correct). But do you have any other useful suggestions?

Nah, that I even have slight, very slight suicidal thoughts as a result is sick - why do I allow such games to limit my life so much. Thought I am an independent, self-thinking person who enjoys life.

Over the years with gambling addiction I ruined almost everything. So much lost (not just money). I think I would have become a different person.

Can you recommend any psychological books on gambling addiction? I want to study the topic myself and start at the points. Does anyone have any useful ideas on how I can raise the money for the apartment within 2 weeks?